never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
