i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
