i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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