you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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