ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
