That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
