My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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