Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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