Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
