It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
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You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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