I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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