So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
