if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
