I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
