I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
