Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize