when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
