Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
