i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
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The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
last night I used snow as a chaser
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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