oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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