your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
