And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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