I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
