you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
