I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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