you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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