i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
