I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
