My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
