My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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