Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
