After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
