So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
