I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
