Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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