I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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