I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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