maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
