I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
