i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
