I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
