so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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