Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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