six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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