is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
