Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
