OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
