Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
