I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
