Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
