can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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