At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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