i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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