apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize