This is not my ceiling
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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