You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
