I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
