I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
