I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
This toilet bowl is my home.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
